The views expressed in the contents above are those of our users and do not necessarily reflect the views of MailOnline. But alas! addSize([1600, 400], [970, 90]). I’d draw in your tummy and smooth down your back Till you’d be a dream in those tight fitting slacks. Fugitive Pennsylvania care worker, 22, probed by FBI for 'stealing Nancy Pelosi's laptop and trying to sell... Joe Biden will unveil sweeping immigration legislation on Wednesday to give 11 million illegal immigrants a... Nearly 30,000 fined for flouting: Cops eject Sainsbury's shopper for refusing to wear mask while officers... 'Covid doesn't treat you differently. So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife, Who suddenly said she’d enough of this life. Won’t the kiddies be glad when they wake up tomorrow And see how I’ve guarded the tree. Pam Ayres was born in 1947 in Berkshire and left Faringdon Secondary Modern School at the age of 15. var right_side_mapping = googletag.sizeMapping(). I’m simply just me The matronest of matrons you ever did see. Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth. Published: 11:35 GMT, 25 January 2017 | Updated: 11:54 GMT, 25 January 2017. If they haven't seen us for a while. Now all you’re gettin’ is coal, You friggin’ moron!”. Enjoy the laugh! “Ms. Start off with a big, Check out these lovable Valentines ideas! Now, I knew Santa had looked in his book and he’d found that I’ve been good, but up on the roof what did appear – a ‘special’ gift from a reindeer. ‘Twas the night before Christmas and all thru the pad, Not a hep cat was swinging – and that’s nowhere, dad, The stove was hung up in that stocking routine, Like, maybe the fat man would soon make the scene. '”, “Mr. Pam Ayres has waded into the Donald Trump p*ssy-grabbing row in her own unique way - by penning a poem imagining the first meeting between him and Theresa May. The stockin’s are safe as can be. googletag.cmd = googletag.cmd || []; googletag.cmd.push(function() { My Mac jumped to a page that wasn’t quite clear. I love to meet my mates. The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste. Nothing that’s warlike or non-pacifistic. I gasped at the thought and started to grouse, Then turned my head sideways and clicked on my mouse. So Santa just stood there, dishevelled, perplexed; He just could not figure out what to do next. Yes, I'm going to kill my husband, I shall have him to be sure, He's never going to curse my navigation any more. Pam’s autobiography, The Necessary … 1 poems of Pam Ayres. You see, we are the 'oldies' now. Taken from the The Works: The Classic Collection 2008. Don’t get too much sun. This ain’t the same Santa that I used to know! The children asked these questions That now I ask of you: ‘Can Santa Claus be black?’ ‘Can Santa Claus be thin?’ ‘Does Santa always have to be a him? Out in the frozen countryside Men crept round on their own, Hacking off the holly, What other folks had grown, Mistletoe on willow trees, Was by a man wrenched clear, So he could kiss his neighbour’s wife, He’d fancied all the year. With a wink of his eye and a nod of his head, Santa soon let me know I had nothing to dread. Dropped the ball again, Matt? This is Pam’s first new collection of poetry since YOU MADE ME LATE AGAIN was published in 2013. Pam Ayres has waded into the Donald Trump p*ssy-grabbing row in her own unique way - by penning a poem imagining the first meeting between him and Theresa May. In the recording, released during last year's campaign trail, Trump can be heard saying 'when you're a star... you can do anything. “Jump onto the circuits! googletag.defineSlot('/51987917/Coolest_Holiday_Parties/300x250_4', [300, 250], 'div-gpt-ad-1486975476531-7').addService(googletag.pubads()); Could it be a cat or a mouse? . I fluffed my pillow and reassured Ma – “Go back to sleep. They'll think we've upped and died. The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. Yes, if I were Santa, you’d never look stupid You’d be a cute little chick with the romance of a cupid. He tried to be merry, tried to be gay, But you’ve got to be careful with that word today. Lifting brutal lockdown too early 'could drive MORE virus mutations' and No10 must keep Covid under control... Covid was England's biggest killer in 2020 and accounted for one in eight deaths, official data reveals as... Has the pandemic forced you to rethink your career? 4 Reply Mac a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned the scales arose. Old color that once graced your hair before rinses and bleaches took residence there seems to be painted and. Books on August 6th only a stroke good diet Rudolph ’ s are. [ 728, 90 ] ) all ”, my skin has been black white... 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